Looking for work

This is an aplcation turned in to a Walmark in Arkansas... Word is the guy got the job...


NAME: Jack B***** (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

HT: TheoSparks again... I love that guy.

Sorry Officer I didn't see you back there

So this guy really was arrested for driving blind...
From Reuters.

"At first they thought he was just drunk, but the man kept missing the tube for the breath test, then they realized he was blind" and arrested him, Tartu Police spokeswoman Marge Kohtla said Monday.

Pirates remorse

A 17 teen year old got drunk and stupid. In the morning he took a step in the right driection?

A lakegoing, kayak-paddling robber has acknowledged participating in recent heists on at least six boats on Hayden Lake, a gleaming blue jewel in northern Idaho better known for its calm bays than for its buccaneers.


The 17-year-old confessed to stealing wakeboards and other equipment from boats at six private Hayden Lake docks last weekend -- all incidents in which the teen and his companions accessed private docks with a kayak.

Rubber duckies gain freedom, tour world

That's right after gaining their freedom in a daring escape at sea, thousands of rubber ducks, frogs, and turtles have roamed the seas. Freed from the drudgery of bath time with 5 year olds. these duckies have visited Hawaii the US pacific coast the Arctic and now are poised to land on Europe's western shores.
And for those duckies who failed to getaway....

Money doesn't grow on trees

But it seems Euros may just appear out of thin air.

A police spokesman in the small western town said the 24-year-old woman saw the money flying through the air in her rear view mirror late on Wednesday. She pulled over and tried to collect all the notes, unsuccessfully.