Monday, September 8, 2008

The battiest of the batty moonbats

I found this website last week and found it to be one of the prime examples of how far this leftist movement can go if left unchecked. It is the Ask Ethan page of a British web magazine.

So let’s start with the question that Ethan thought to answer.

evel Dear Ethan,

PLEASE don’t get mad at me. I’m just floating this as an idea. I’ve been watching Sarah Palin wow the audiences at the Republican Convention and advertise herself as an everyday hockey-mom-cum-pitbull-with-lipstick, and I’ve been thinking to myself: ‘You know, I could support this woman.’ Sure, she has some ‘off views’, but she’s a breath of fresh, Alaskan air! Ethan, give your no.1 American fan some advice: is it even remotely ethical to back Palin???

Evel Knievel Johnson III
Eight Mile, Missouri

Seems like a good honest question, even if filled with misgivings. So how would you answer, with concerns about her experience? her policies? fear she would too soon be in the top spot? These are all fair points.  Let us see.

You have finally and forever confirmed my prejudice-cum-scientific-conviction that – as a consequence of 24-hour TV, twinkies, one-tonne hamburgers, celebrity culture, oil addiction and having been ruled for eight years by a president who resembles a chimp (though without a chimp’s ability to love or to make the hand signal for ‘more bananas, please’) – Americans are the most stupid group of marauding humans on Earth.

Ah of course, by insulting America and our President. And what is it about Gov. Palin that breeds this contempt? That’s easy.

Support Sarah Palin?! A woman who OWNS A GUN and has FIVE CHILDREN?!

SarahpalingunBut wait there is more.

A woman who thinks that having a dead bear sprawled across her sofa is a sign of sophistication when in fact it reveals that she is possibly mentally ill and certainly murderously speciesist?

Speciesist? No wait it gets better.

even that wouldn’t be as bad as what YOU have suggested. At least Hitler was a vegetarian, a supporter of organic farming, a rabid anti-smoker, an opponent of garish big department stores, a promoter of breastfeeding, a scoffer of brown bread, and an implacable warrior against the modern evil that is vivisection. Which means his lifestyle choices were FAR superior to Palin’s, who probably shops at Wal-Mart (Hitler would have shut it down), bottle-feeds her small-country-sized family (Hitler would have fined her), and wouldn’t recognise (sic) an organic turnip if one was hurled at her by an angry demonstrator (and let’s hope that one is).

Sarah Palin is worse than Hitler, yes worse. note: Of course Hitler was opposed to vivisection towards animals, not quite so much for people.

 sarah_palin Oh and check this out…

First off, she wears a stars-and-stripes bikini while wielding a Kalashnikov! Yes, yes, I know that picture was faked but it reveals a GREATER TRUTH, (emphasis from the author not me).

Ok so it is a fake, glad to see he is willing to acknowledge that. But that wont stop him from drawing conclusions.

The greater truth revealed by Palin’s photoshopped stars-and-stripes shenanigans is that she is a) nationalistic, b) gun-lovin’, and c) sexually wanton. Is that really the kind of person you want to have CONTROLLING America

Well so we don’t want that girl who was in a bikini with a BB gun being in a position to become President, Luckily for Ethan she will not be. Ok now that the phony photo has been discussed what’s next?

Leaving aside the bikini, Sarah Palin is also an ANIMAL KILLER! She murders moose and butchers bears.

PalinBear Americans are hunters, (most people are by the way) they relate to Sarah Palin.

So what’s it like to be hunted?

How would you like it, Evel, if I chased you through a forest, shot you, tied you to the back of a truck, dragged you to my home, displayed your naked carcass on the back of my three-piece suite, and then gave interviews to CNN and Fox about what a wonderful ‘mom’ and potential ‘VP’ I am with your dead body on full display to the world? You’d be mortified, right? Well now you know how that bear feels

I wouldn't feel anything about it, I'd be dead!

Ok let’s go on to some issues. (1 issue)

Palin opposes abortion!! Now, as every ethical fighter worth his or her salt knows, abortion is a key weapon in the war against fecund overpopulation, especially in Africa where they can’t seem to keep their hands off each other and where they are too poor/uneducated/lacking in access to ethical lifestyle advice to know how important it is to use a condom. Listen to the words of my good friend and fellow ethicist Kelpie Wilson (now there’s an American woman who has NEVER worn a stars-and-stripes bikini, in the real world or the virtual world). Wilson says abortion is super-ethical because sometimes ‘a tiny embryo must be sacrificed for the greater good of the family or the human species as a whole’; that is ‘the moral high ground that we stand on today’.

If your pro-life or pro-abortion you have to be appalled by this statement. It's racist, extremist, and super-genocidal. (Just the way Margot Sanger wanted it)

And in conclusion, (pause for applause*) we must prevent the destruction of the planet.

piperpalin2Evel, voting for Palin does not only mean that America could possibly end up with ‘First Children’ called Track and Trig who sport mullets and chew gum – even worse than that (if you can imagine anything worse), it will mean a death sentence for the planet. Don’t do it.

Trig doesn't have a mullet, yet. And Track is in the army so if he had one it got shaved off in boot camp.

* It's a Clinton jab.

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